Vitality – 63/77 – The other day in Berlin

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DIVE DOWN

With the right amount of courage that showed up just in time, I’m diving down into those wild waters. Dreams that used to have their home in my imaginative future mind become present reality, self-designed utopia and fact suddenly become one. It seems as if there’s nothing I’ve consciously done for it to happen – except that I allowed it to happen.

In those moments, when it’s just so tangible that life is indeed treating you as good as it can,  it feels as if there’s more gratitude and more fascination in me than I’m able to hold, that I’m not only reaching to my edges but need to go beyond and expand.

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There’s this inner vast wideness that provides infinite space, while at the same time I’m saturated with fulfillment.
Vulnerability feels strong and power-related issues belong to some of my weakest sides.
I’m alert and yet absolutely calm.
PARADOX ABUNDANCE.

◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊

Life itself, I feel it densely, I’m sensing how it’s pulsing intensely through my veins and spirit. It comes really close, or maybe it was even me who has come close, and it is as if we’re melting in a tight hug. This sweet intimacy, I wish it would last forever.

“This is how I imagine it to be!” is what I’m hearing as I listen to my thoughts. Days of wanting to make some sort of magic happen passed with the result of: Nothing. And then, out of nothing: BOOM! Everything is as it should be, and it rarely ever feels easier than on days like these. This is my life. Exactly as I imagined it. What I still dreamt about it yesterday has become my sweet reality today.

While I’m still trembling and shaky from the past, I’m willing to learn how to trust again. I’m willing to take the risk and maybe fall, but my strong decision seems to move me forward. I give trust and I get trust. How will I know if I’m gonna be carried me this time? I decide to trust and take the leap.

◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊

Loosing my self again and again suddenly becomes my highest achievement and by succeeding in this, I’m recreating myself anew, matching the impermanence of existence, adapting to every split second that passes.

◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊

Maybe it doesn’t matter so much what led to this sensation. Sometimes it’s just an end in itself. There was no past and there’s no future for it come, there’s only present.

I let go, and then move along with what I encounter on my way. In order to move along, I had said farewell to control just before my leap. All within and around me happens effortlessly, all I need to do is to keep moving and being moved, balancing it out and sorting out my attachment.
Those wild waters in which I sometimes dare to dive into, they are my aliveness elixir. I’m insatiable thirsty for it and so I do everything to get close to it whenever I can, which can become  a tiring endeavor.

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Thank you Berlin, for fulfilling some of my silently made wishes, thank you for treating me so well. Ode to joy! Thanks to life!

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